Awkward Hugs

It’s 3 hours past midnight

I wake up to the incessant buzzing of the damned cellphone

they were made to make life easier

I dont see it.

I pick up the phone, see an unknown number calling

and I answer it

common sense still sleeping inside the warm folds of my brain

nothing good ever happens after 2am; my common sense knew.

It is the guy from across the park

says he needs to see me, now.

I wonder what it is

but my common sense is wide awake as well now

I tell him its too late, he should go back inside, sleep.

He tells me he cant. He needs to see me

I wonder, “why not, I might even get a smoke for free”

and I sneak out of the house

my family still peacefully unaware

and my dog too old to bother barking at visiters

he’s standing on the porch

Its way too cold but the slow burning cigarette helps

we take a walk

I still dont know why he had to see me

suddenly he reaches for my hand to hold it and i pull back

“I dont hold hands” , I tell him

he laughs and asks me why not

I smile and say, “it feels weird”

I couldnt tell him my hands get too comfortable to the warmth too easily

We continue walking and reach back to my porch

I still dont know why he had to see me

I wish him goodnight and start to walk away

suddenly he hugs me

I dont hug him back

he asks me why not

I just smile and say “it feels weird”

I couldnt tell him my body gets too comfortable too soon

I slip inside the covers, pulling the blankets over my head

I am safe again

I sleep.

It’s 3 hours past midnight

I wake up to the incessant buzzing of the damned cellphone

they were made to make life easier

I still dont see it

I pick up the phone, my common sense asleep again

Its the guy from across the park, again.

“I need to see you”, he tells me, again

this time I dont refuse

determined to find out why he needs to see me tonight

I sneak out of my house

He flashes the headlights of his car

I walk towards it

he opens the door and I sit inside

He smells of rum and smoke

“just a small office party” he tells me

“you must be tired” I say and try to walk out

he snaps the locks in place and asks me to stay

asking me a question without the option to answer

“you dont seem alright, you should sleep” I tell him as I furiously fiddle with the lock

“she left me” he said and pushed himself on top of me

his weight too heavy to move

he plants a rough distant kiss on my lips as he pins me down

I kick him as hard as I could with my quivering leg

and start to run back home as fast as my feet allowed me

he pulls at my hand and throws me against the wall

his lips hurt more than the rocky wall against my back

Finally, he looks into my eyes for the first time

pulls me close hugs me tight

I refuse to hug him back

he lets go off me and smiles

“I wonder why you dont hug” he says.

Fly By

I switched off the lights

closed my eyes

saw your face

in the reflection of a broken ice

the blurriness of the moment

lead me back to our situation

we thought we get along together

but nothing could postpone the separation

now that we sit worlds apart

i wonder if the past was a mistake

or was it all that we planned

the place where we hoped to land?

tonight, after months of nights filled with cries

I'll sleep a sound night

i wont look back when i give away the hope

to be with you at sometime

and i don't regret losing you

you seemed just so reckless

just so "wrong"

even as we part away you stand there numb

as the sun rises up again

the first rays on my face

it glows, washes the past away

I untangle from the gone

and no I wont look back

when you tell me you have to go

I wont remember the times we had

before you walk away from our song

I think I always noticed it

the hollowness of your soul

I think I always knew it

you drifting away in the dark hole

but I lied over and over again

hoping to win you back

I tried over and over again

loving to be loved back

but I only died over and over again

look where we are

hanging from the broken stars

we've dimmed the glow

we've killed the spark

we've made the permanent scar

but a girls' got to do what a girls' got to do

I got to keep moving on

I learnt there is no use holding on

now that you've walked so far

I open my fist

I let it go

I let our memories fly by

in the open arms of sky

Caterpillar To Butterfly

Everynight you tucked me in bed

you bent down and kissed my head

you wished me goodnight, sweet dreams

you turned off the lights

you kept me safe all through the nights

I see your face

you're telling your friends

about the first time you held me in your hands

I see as your lips smile and in your eyes the tears lie

remembering the sweet memories your heart cries

you notice how easily time passes by

and how soon your catterpillar is turning into a butterfly

It is so amazing to find someone always guiding you

through the times when life gets tiring

and all we think of is retiring

but you would give it a whirl

and tell me to never be a faint-hearted girl

you kept me inspiring

You had to give it all

sacrifice all that you've always want

to give me all that I see in those ADs and magazines

those luxuries that attract me

And then the day will come

when the threads will have to be broken

when I'll have to leave this cocoon

and when I'll leave my little room

id remember how you've stood by

as i turned from a caterpillar to your butterfly

I'd look back and see this place

where we spent nights talking about

the frock's shining lace

or this life's doubts

I'd look back to see this little house

where I grew up and figured out

that family always remains

in memories and in your heart

And even after i turn into a butterfly

stay by me and help me try

to keep the innocence of your catterpillar

though i would have wings to fly

keep me to the ground and still touch the sky...

**(Thanx mumma n papa! :) ... dedicated to all the parents!! ... CHEERS to the people who make our lives sooooooo beautiful!)

I Never Told You

I fell in love with you
When you were thirteen,
I was thirteen too
You had slightly yellow teeth
And you were freckled and chubby too
I loved you
But I never ever told you

I didn’t love you
Because of how you looked you see
I loved you because Of what I could see inside, deeply
I loved you
But I never ever told you

I couldn’t help loving you
I loved you irresistibly
I hid my feelings
Loving you in secret and invisibly
I loved you
But I never ever told you

When you were sixteen
You changed overnight from pauper to a queen
And transformed magically into a beautiful butterfly
I loved you
But I never ever told you

Had the ugly duckling still been here today
I would have swept you up
And carried you away
I love you
But I will never ever tell you
I will keep my love locked away,
though I will love you
Until my dying day

They Keep Telling Me

They tell me how to walk
they tell me how to sleep
they tell me how to talk
they tell me how to feel.

they give me instructions
for everything i do
like they have nothing
better to look forward to.

They say we're your well-wisher
Oh! really!
well they seem to be villans
in my life's picture.

The old recorder keeps playing
"Its not the right time"
"its not the right place"
"you should be studying and not playing".

I guess your not the right guide
or maybe I'm not the right follower
whatever it maybe
onething i surely know
your just a night mare
which has to get over.

I've had enough of you
and I wont take it anymore
your through messing with me
and now you should know
I'm not your cuup of tea.

you tried to control my life,
because you didnt have on your own
and you kept stabbing my wounds
with your honey coated knifes.

But its the end of it all
I'm going to break through
and do what i want to,
its my life after all.

You Are My Destiny

The time we've spent
the hours we've talked
the secrets we've kept
the path we've walked.

I cherish it all,
I'll preserve it for infinity,
you'll be mine till the fall
'cause you are my destiny.

I need you to be mine
you to be my root
my love in friendship, disguise.

We may fight today
and take this as our end
but we will be together
because afterall you are my destiny.

They might ask us to part
and forget the past
but they dont know
you are mine, till the universe lasts.

When I Recall

When I recall today,
tears well up my eyes
my heart beat gets chaotic
and my actions are frantic.

I recall his smile
his way of calling me
and the way he went an extra mile
just to see my smile.

How we used to talk
together miles that we've walked.
Now, when I recall,
I see everything coming down with a fall.

Though, stars shine even today
the sun rises everyday
but something has definetly changed
I feel something strange.

My guide, my friend, my brother
he was my well-wisher
he promised to stay till the end
and get me out of life's preassure.

I know you're not here
to say what you always used to
but you are still near somewhere
to protect me as you always used to.